In response to my last post, my good friends Betsy and Jax pointed out that I do have a few things that I can cook adequately so here is my receipt for soup.
Get a MASSIVE pot, fill it with water to within a few inches of the top, throw in two random packets of soup mix, two packets of supermarket prepared soup vegetables, extra chopped onions and any other odd vegetables that might be lurking about, a couple of handfuls of dried peas, lentils and what have you, any leftovers from the fridge, (baked beans are good) a few dollops of tomato puree, Worcester sauce, and garlic paste and last, but not least, salt to taste.
Right, now you are ready to cook. Boil until it overflows onto your immaculate, rarely used, cooker, turn down to a simmer for several hours. Every now and then dredge the bottom of the pot with a wooden skillet, making sure that you carefully integrate the burnt bits into the mixture. When you have reached your desired degree of doneness blitz with a mashing thingy until the soup is smooth and gloopy . MummmMummm!
A leg of lamb is a little bit more involved and I won't bore you with the details, apart from to say that my chef grandson rang me up one day to say that he couldn't replicate my delicious mashed potatoes! I gave him the receipt but I believe that he has never been able to achieve the same result. I think he is just "thinking it through" too much. That doesn't make for delicious cooking which should be done entirely by instinct.
But, I must say that my main "signature dish" is an absolute knockout, and so simple. Take 2 pieces of soggy white bread, spread with mayo and add slices of spam and beetroot. The very thought of it is making me dribble in anticipation.
Oh! and I have forgotten my wonderful rice pudding which is also very simple, but I'm afraid that if I told you how to make it I would have to kill you.
Bob Hope - "A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it."
10 hours ago