10 Life is sexually transmitted.
9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8 Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich
7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
6 Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.
4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. (Amen to that one!)
...........and the number 1 thought - Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers - what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
- - - and as someone recently said to me: " Don 't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."
And on to more serious stuff. Next Tuesday, 11th October, I am being interviewed for a 2 page spread with pictures in a woman magazine. My 15 minutes of fame (again!!). Wish me luck that I don't make an ass of myself.
Jackie Mason - "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."
19 hours ago