It's taken me a few days, but I'm beginning to feel like I'm back in control of things at last. By "things" I mean my paperwork, correspondence and commitments, but NOT, unfortunately, my life!
For the "out of control" moments I rely heavily on the Serenity Prayer.
God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
I have repeated this little prayer almost daily since I first heard it at an Al-anon meeting way back on 6th November 1974. It was a life saver then and, "just for today", it's even more of a life saver now. Unfortunately this philosophy can be misconstrued as stoicism but far from being stoic it's subtly positive. However, I am aware that it might sometimes appear that I'm weak, tough, callous or even just plain stupid, but anyone that knows or cares about me know this is simply not true.
There are rare occasions when someone will penetrate my defences and not be fooled by my apparent acceptance of the unacceptable. This happened a couple of days ago when I had a 'phone conversation with an old friend who has known me for 40 years. He heard something in my voice that worried him enough to 'phone back. He probed and managed to get me to talk. Like many others he wanted to help but I told him that I fear it would lead to more problems than I feel capable of dealing with right now.
But we don't want to dwell of that do we? It is good to be back with my family, friends and colleagues. Yesterday I took my two great-granddaughters out to lunch and then on to a show. We had such a great time. Money can't buy days like that and today I'm going out to lunch at The George in Stamford with my daughter Kimberley and her husband. I am so grateful and fortunate in the family, friends and colleagues I have.
Rinse and repeat. And repeat. And repeat... - *Things I never imagined I would say as regularly as I do (but which I suspect other mothers of boys might find somewhat familiar):* - Why - exactly -...
17 hours ago