Friday, 19 November 2010

AND WHAT IF YOU DON'T PRAY?

This was sent to me by my good friend DogLover. When I read it I laughed until I cried. The challenge is to read this without wetting yourself.

I'VE JUST READ YOUR BLOG! HERE ARE SOME DARES FOR NON-GOD-BOTHERERS:

ONE POINT FOR EACH OF THESE

1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears

3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

4. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

5. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

6. When in the lift with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.

7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy...

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.

10. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.


THREE-POINT DARES

1. Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.

2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

4. Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout,"dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.

7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.

8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any por*ngraphy web sites.


FIVE-POINT DARES

1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".

4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

5. When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.

6. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.

7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

8. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

9. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.

10. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

11. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

12. Ask people what s...ex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

13. While a colleague is writing, grab their pen and throw it out of the nearest open window.

THIS CAME FROM MY NEPHEW, WHO WAS CLEARLY HAVING A BAD DAY! SOMEONE HAD SENT IT TO HIM.


Hi, this is me speaking again now. The worrying thing is that everyone that read this says that it's me! To do list: remind me to sack a few people.

.......and finally. 69 year old Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has reiterated his desire to remain in management for the foreseeable future.

Retirement is for young people," said the Scot "I'm too old to retire. I would have nothing to do. As long as my health is in good condition I will carry on. My family will make this decision."

Good for him. He must have absolute faith in his family. My problem is that the family members and colleagues that I work with are desperate for me to retire PROPERLY, instead of CLAIMING to retire and then(as they see it)interfer in every g@+$*~m thing they do. This thinking is flawed. They will regret it when the time comes that they aren't able to draw on my valued experience and advice!

12 comments:

Eliza said...

OMG I'd love to try some of these at work!

slommler said...

I loved these!! Let's see...which one will I try? Ha!
Hugs
SueAnn

Eva Gallant said...

OMG! I am cracking up! Those are brilliant! I wish I still worked so I could try a couple.

RNSANE said...

Good laugh for me this morning as I head to the doctor to see what is going to be done about my kidney stones.

Grit said...

i'm pleased to say most of the one point options my children can already do. so i'll look forward to them achieving the three point options. (hey, they can already do numbers 3,4, and 6!)

lisaschaos said...

I can see getting some laughs with those! Maybe even getting in trouble with a few. LOL! My son was marked as a female on his driver's license - we didn't notice, someone at school did when he was showing it off. :)

Retiredandcrazy said...

Yes, it would take courage to do wouldn't it Eliza

Retiredandcrazy said...

Now, no blowing pop through you nose again SueAnn

Retiredandcrazy said...

I'll agree with that Eva. Although I do still work don't I (in a way)!

Retiredandcrazy said...

I hope the medics can help you soon Carmen. Life is miserable when you're not well isn't it?

Retiredandcrazy said...

I'm glad to see that the home tutoring is working well grit!

Retiredandcrazy said...

Your son must have been mortified Lisa. That was so funny (for me anyway, but I guess not for him!)