Saturday, 11 September 2010

ANOTHER MEMORY

These memories come at the oddest times. This morning I was watching a news report of the tragedy on 9/11, listening to a very dignified lady talking about her son who died in the attack when, out of the blue, back flooded my memory of that day.

Davy and I had recently bought a flat in the city and were happily shopping for "stuff" in the John Lewis store when we noticed groups of people huddled around TV's in the electrical department. Wondering what was going on we strolled over and were horrified to see the image of one of the Trade Centre towers burning. As we watched another plane smashed into the other tower. The shared grief in that group of strangers can't be described. Strangers who didn't speak or look at each other but somehow had a merging of minds. After watching in silence for an hour or so we walked back to our flat in silence and continued watching on TV for the rest of the day.

There has been the usual publicity approaching this anniversary again, including the mad Pastor who wants to burn the books of the Koran, but it wasn't until I saw this beautiful lady being interviewed that memories of Davy and I slamming from extreme happiness in anticipation of buying new things for our beautiful little flat, to the horror of seeing that scene unfold on TV, came back and I felt the two extreme emotions all over again.

Memories are strange things aren't they? I was prepared for our wedding anniversary on 27th August and I'm preparing for his birthday on 1st October, I was even prepared for his favourite TV programme to end afte 40 years. What I wasn't prepared for was hearing the intro music to this show and watching this poor brave woman talk of her son this morning.

I must admit that I'm a bit all over the place at the moment because I have been embroiled in a delicate and difficult family situation since immediately after Davy died. It finally came to a head a few days ago and I had to make a very traumatic decision. Again, it was the unexpected that that managed to creep under my radar. A birthday gift being delivered, the door unexpectedly being opened with a hypercritical smile after I had suffering months of abuse resulting in me "behaving badly", refusing to say hello and the children being told that "nanny needs to learn how to behave towards her family". I guess that was the final straw for all of us and it's left me a bit shaky.

19 comments:

RNSANE said...

All of us are in mourning again on this 9-11 anniversary and, of course, you are thinking of Davy, too. I guess it will happen as it happens, Ann, and you'll just deal with it. I'm sending a big squeeze across the pond to you!
Just a couple miles down the street from me was the huge fire last night, with the destruction of 53 homes. It just makes me feel how precarious life is.

Sending warm thoughts your way, my friend.

Maggie May said...

I was just about to go to the After School Club when I saw the horror of it on our news. Will never forget.

This type of horror is bound to bring memories flooding back to you because an occasion like this brings back exactly what you were both doing at the time. Tragedies like this do that.

Sometimes the death of some one brings out the worst in families. We have experienced this too. Sometimes it is the very worst.
Ride it through.
((Hugs)) Maggie X

Nuts in May

Retiredandcrazy said...

I saw the fire on the news and wondered if it was anywhere near you Carmen. How dreadful. Thanks for the squeeze. Appreciated.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thanks Maggie. My solicitor also said that I would be surprised how often this happens, but I didn't think for one minute this would happen in my family. I love them all so much and I thought that they loved me.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Oh! and thanks for the hugs Maggie, and I WILL ride it through.

slommler said...

Family situations can be tricky and heart wrenching at times. May you weather this bump in the road and be filled with peace and joy!
9/11 reminds us how fragile and short lived our lives really are. I along with many others, mourn still on this day.
Hugging you
SueAnn

Retiredandcrazy said...

The two juxtaposed highlight the silliness of my family situation. Compared to the 9/11 tragedy it's a mere blip. Thanks for your thoughts SueAnn

Eva Gallant said...

It is a day none of us will ever forget!

Eva Gallant said...

It is a day none of us will ever forget!

TechnoBabe said...

Having family attempting to control our behavior is always a button being pushed for me. There were times my grown kids thought it was okay to tell me what to do, which car to buy, where I was to live, all things I was capable of deciding for myself. We went through some troubled times and things are much better with two of my three children. I wish you strength and wisdom when dealing with family.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Ann, I remember with horror watching the gastly events of 9/11. At that time I was self employed and with my colleague we were driving down a local street in my home town. A customer saw us and flagged us down, saying "Eddie, Bob, the twin towards have gone, come inside and see it on my TV."
We could not believe it was real when we saw the planes crash into the towers and later when they collapsed. I had to pinch myself to see if this was real or a dreadful nightmare as we watched it open mouthed. Then the Penagon hit and we heard about flight 93 and those brave men trying to stop the suicide crash into the Whitehouse. We wondered how any human being could actually do this to innocent people. We heard those responsible had been brain washed into thinking they would actually be rewarded in Heaven for doing this. I shudder to think what they actually experienced when they did meet their maker.

I shall never forget.

Regarding your domestic situation I sympathise and send you lots of hugs and my very warm wishes for your happiness. Wish I could give you a little cuddle ~ Eddie

Land of shimp said...

I think everyone does have very detailed memories of that day. I'd paused to fold a basket of laundry, on my way to jury duty, oddly enough. The phone rang and it was my husband saying, "Are seeing any of this?" "Any of what?"

I never made it to jury duty that day, and I'm a stickler for reporting. Now every time I get a jury duty summons, I think of those moments right before the phone rang, folding t-shirts and remembering how everyone in this house likes their tees folded in a different way.

On September 11th, I try to make a special effort to remember how lucky I am to have people in my life, to things for, no matter how mundane.

I'm so sorry your family is being wrong-headed, and unkind to you. I hope you work everything out, and soon. There was one good thing to come out September 11th. For at least a time, we all remembered how fortunate we are simply to have our loved ones in one-piece, living, breathing. Sometimes irritating the life out of us.

Unfortunately, as you too well know, it doesn't take a cataclysmic event to lose people. My FIL was a defense contractor, and on September 11th, there was a great scramble to find out where he was that day. He was scheduled to be in the Pentagon regularly. Luckily, he was safe in Dallas. However, a little less than a year later, he was headed off to work one morning, when his car was struck head-on, and he died instantly.

Strangely enough, not a full year after everyone had tried madly to find out that he was safe, and thanked everything you can name that he was, my husband's family dissolved into a series of feuds that have yet to be resolved. Grief can drive us together, or drive us apart, I guess.

I hope you are soon together with the people from whom you are apart. As for anyone telling your grandchildren that you need to learn how to treat people? I am so sorry. You don't deserve that, and it's wrong to involve children in adult disputes anyway.

I think no one tells people about grief is that it is frequently a very angry emotion. We're angry that we've lost someone, it's unfair, it hurts. Grief turns us into strangers to ourselves.

I think, also unknowingly, that in the wake of a loss we push those we love away because...really...we're so frightened of losing them too. It starts to feel unsafe to love people.

I hope it is all straightened out soon, but as difficult a thing as it is to go through, it is a manifestation of sadness, I think.

Retiredandcrazy said...

It's all very puzzling TechnoBabe, but I have a big family and 90% are great.

Retiredandcrazy said...

It was a moment in time that no-one will ever forget wasn't it Eddie, nor should we. Another example of man's inhumanity to man I'm afraid.

Retiredandcrazy said...

I've heard of this phenomenon before Shrimp (may I call you Shrimp?), but I never dreamt in a million years that it would happen to me. I thought that we were such a close family. But as I said to Eddie, I still have lots more family to fall out with before I die :)

joeculby said...

Hi Ann,I love your blog and the way you talk about Davy brings tears to my eyes,the best of Irish Luck to you and all the family,Joe

joeculby said...

Hi Ann I love your blog,the way you talk about Davy brings tears to my eyes,love and light to you and all the family,joe.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thanks Joe, you know Davy was such a "different" person and everyone loved him. I only wish you could have been at his funeral. My next door neighbour was talking about it to me yesterday and he isn't known for being very sentimental, but he said he still misses Davy and loved the funeral. I think our Irish ancesters would have approved!!

Mare Freeborn said...

Hi, Ann. On 9/11 I was in work & at first thought it was all a horrible accident. It wasn't until the plane hit the pentagon that I realized what was really going on. I think that I just didn't want to believe it. I always thought we were safe from that kind of stuff here in the USA. Guess I was wrong. Anyway - I hope you & your family work out your problems. I work at a cemetery & believe me I've seen all kinds of horrible stuff that happens to families after someone passes away. I think most of it is sadness & loss, more than anything else. I hope you guys can get back together again. Best of luck.

PS - I will have my car flown over there just so I can use that carwash from your next post. Maybe I'll see you there! ;->