Monday, 4 January 2010

VILLAGE OR TOWN?

So here we go again, another year, only this year we don't have OG to pick us up when we are down or put us back on the right track when we go astray. He was mentor to so many people, including me, and it is now our opportunity to prove that his loving efforts were not in vane.

Today the office is fully functional again for the first time since he died and it will be a very, very strange place for a while. Although he hadn't been well enough to go in since early October he kept abreast of things and sent messages through his emissaries! Everyone was fully aware of what was expected of them. Now we have to pick up the baton and run the good race ourselves.

I have a personal dilemma. A great friend of mine, who was a fountain of wisdom, had a metaphor for most situations, including problem solving which went "if the door keeps closing maybe you need for find another solution". Well the door has been closing on the church where we were going to have the funeral service. I have never been to this church, although I have heard great things about it and for two Sundays running I have been trying to attend the service. Each time I have been thwarted. Also the vicar was supposed to get in touch with me and he hasn't.

OG was not a religious man, but he had a true belief in God and although he had expressed no desire to have a church service I'm sure he would be made up to think it would help us get through. Yesterday I suddenly thought, given that we have chosen to have this service would OG actually have preferred for it to be held in our lovely village church as opposed to the grandiose church in the town? Is this why the doors keeps closing? Is this what it’s all about? I'm not sure, but I will keep an open mind, ask the questions and see what happens.

25 comments:

marymaryquitecontrary said...

What sort of vicar would do that? Not a compassionate one for sure. Here in N Ireland it is possible to go to a funeral home that has the facilities for a family service. Then all friends gather at the grave side and go afterwards to either a church hall;where the ladies of the church prepare tea;or to a local hotel for a buffet meal. Find another minister.It gave us great comfort to have my fathers service in church. He like your husband didn't attend church but he had a belief. We as a family felt we were handing him back to God. That helped. Such a sad time I know.

Maggie May said...

I think that if that vicar can't even get back to you, then maybe that is not the place for the funeral. You really need a person with real empathy right now. That can make all the difference.
I can only imagine what you are going through. You sound a very brave lady and my heart goes out to you. ((hugs)) Maggie X

Nuts in May

Valleys Mam said...

It has to be the village - thats where he would have liked it and I think thats where he would be better reflected.
That vicar needs a lesson in compassion

Mare Freeborn said...

Dear Ann - I read of you dilemma and unfortunately, am all too familiar with situations like this. I actually work for Holy Cross Cemetery , which is right outside of Philadelphia, PA. We are a large cemetery run by the Archdiocese of Phila, and can tell you from experience that not all priests are caring or compassionate. However, the good news is that these priests are in the minority. If I were you I would check with the village church. It will provide you with a more intimate setting and hopefully the vicar will return your calls. Keep in mind that these services are for the family and friends. OG will be happy with whatever makes you guys happy.

Hugs & hope,
Mare Freeborn

rosiero said...

You are in my thoughts.

aims said...

As with Mary's comment - we too have choices here in Canada. Either a church of a funeral home where there are facilities for a service.

OG was so happy with his Hollywood bedroom and all the renovations you did in your home in your village.

My thoughts are that he would be more than happy to be close to what made him happy - you and your home.

If you are thinking of the bigger church for people who will be coming to the funeral - people will go anywhere they must to attend and to support you.

I agree with everyone about the vicar. That is rude in the extreme. Find someone who actually cares. I can't imagine a funeral service given by a person who truly doesn't care about the deceased or the immediate family. How cold that would feel to not only you but to everyone.

You are in my thoughts every day.

aims said...

And of course - that should read a church OR a funeral home.

RNSANE said...

Oh, my dear Ann. How did I miss the news of OG's death? I cannot tell you how sad I am. My heart goes out to you and your family at this time. I send my love and prayers to help your through the time ahead.

Somehow, you will do whatever is best regarding the services for your dear husband. It sounds to me like your village church might be more in keeping with the kind of warm, intimate memorial you would like. You will have to talk to the priest there.

Take care of yourself, dear Ann. Please keep us posted when you can.

jay said...

I think you have found the solution yourself. Yes, the doors are closing on the big town church, but I bet the door of the village church is open and the vicar will be welcoming. Follow your heart!

Sending hugs.

Sarah said...

I can see you want to give your husband a ceremony befitting his life, something that will reflect, also the love and regard his family and friends had for him. I'm sure, no matter where you have a service; in a field, in a village hall, the people atttending and their words would make it the send off he deserves.
Don't give that vicar a hard time till you are sure he/she ignoring your calls on purpose, I, too, believe this is a message from the universe, rather than a snub.
xxxS

Retiredandcrazy said...

You have hit it on the head Mary, OG loved the fact that I am an occasional churchgoer and he would want whatever helped me and the family.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Brave lady Maggie? I don't think so. We just have to do what we have to do don't we?

Retiredandcrazy said...

I have come to that conclusion myself VM.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Our local vicar has been in contact with me already Mare and he is coming out to see the family this afternoon. He said he would be delighted to have the service at the village church. He said although he had never met OG he had heard a lot about him.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank Rosiero, my thoughts are always with you too because your life has not been easy recently.

Retiredandcrazy said...

I must admit that my origial decision was based on size aims. But we found out that our village church seats 300 so that is more than adequate

Retiredandcrazy said...

You are quite right RNSANE. I know that many of the villagers, including staff from the doctors surgery, will walk to the church but might not take the trip to the town.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Jay, I have followed my heart all my life, that's why I loved my recovering alcoholic, dyslexic, disfunctional husband so much. He was the most amazing husband I could ever have had.

Retiredandcrazy said...

I hear what you say Sarah and it is something I have concluded myself. The funeral isn't until
14th and I think the vicar in the town would have contacted us with plenty of time to spare. It wasn't the fact that he hadn't phoned that made we question, it was the fact that the doors started closing. Now they are opening again and I feel OG's approval.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ann,

I only learned of Davy's passing today and what a shocker. I loved working for you and Davy and i should never have left, but i was young, naieve and maybe stupid, the both of you always had so many words of wisdom and you always had time for your employees. Your honesty, generosity, passion and drive have made the company what it is today, and what a legacy he leaves with a lasting impression on every individual who met him. I came back to Infotel when you had your recruitment open evening a few months ago and it felt just like it did when i worked there (12 years ago)!!! Warm, welcoming, friendly and the place that you want to be part of, like a big happy family. Well dear Ann, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your lovely ever growing family, i will never forget Davy, lets be honest...how could we!! Forever in our thoughts Shelly xxx

Retiredandcrazy said...

Shelly, thank you so much for those words of comfort. If you and Sandy are free on 14th it would be good to see you again.

Love, Ann xx

Anonymous said...

The keys are in all our doors Ann,
Flights,transport,accomodation, all arranged since we spoke.
Whether Mother Nature allows them to open will depend on Davy & Higher Power.
Will make no decision until Tuesday evening.
Arrangements sound like Davy to me.
Do you think he is playing tricks with your fixtures & fittings so as he gets value from all extra torches etc..
Love & hugs from us both S. and the Contessa.

Johanna said...

I have just found your blog and feel compelled to offer my condolences at this difficult time. I hope your blogging family gives you some peace. Best wishes.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Have a safe journey Contessa and Toyboy. I only wish our reunion was under better circumstances.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank you for your visit and your condonlences Johanna. I must say that I have been humbled by the outpouring of love from the people that knew OG and the concern for me by people who have never met us. At the moment I am just getting through each day at a time and haven't visited many of my blogging friends for a while, but after the funeral I will need to keep occupied and plan to start looking outward again.