Monday, 18 January 2010

OUR FIRST "NORMAL" WEEK?

I apologise for not visiting blogging friends or even replying to comments at the moment. I will return to "normal" when the tempo of life settles down. My drum now beats to a different rhythm. This is what I meant when I said that I now have to walk my path alone. I am not alone as in lonely, far from it. I am surrounded by a loving family, wonderful friends and supportive colleagues but I have entered a different stage in life, I am now a widow. It is an entirely different status and needs adjusting to. As I was once told "It's not the lions and tigers that'll get you, it's the rabbits that kick you to death". I just have to watch out for those rabbits.

And this feeling is not unique to me. The children have lost their loving father, grandfather, great-grandfather and his friends and colleagues have lost their sounding board and mentor. Mix this with the fact that he was completely bonkers, most times wrong, so cringingly un-PC that it would take your breath away and you have some idea of the void that is to be filled. But he trained us to believe that no-one is invincible and that we only succeed if, like removing your hand from a bucket of water, the void is filled automatically. His wisdom, passion and drive must live on through us.

As one of my great-granddaughter said some months ago "Grandad is a very unusual man isn't he?" Out of the mouths of babes?! Yes darling, he was a very unusual man, and we give thanks for that. So, deep breath, we have given lip service to his "unusualness", let that now live on in the successes of our daily lives. Let's fill our days with his spirit, especially not forgetting the crazy fun bits! I stake my claim to the un-PC thing! It could be interesting!!

20 comments:

RNSANE said...

It is good to see you back here on your blog. I am sure there will be days you miss your partner so much you will barely feel like putting one foot in front of the other but, you are such a remarkable woman, you will amaze all of us - as you already have.

A big hug to you!

Maggie May said...

I am sure that things will be difficult for you during this first year facing life without him.
I still think of him as OG and he sounded such a unique man that I am sure that I would have got on fine with him as he sounded so like some members of my own family.
I am glad that you have plenty of help and support.

My thoughts & prayers are very much with you right now. ((hugs))

Nuts in May

Valleys Mam said...

I was widowed at 32,when my husband was killed in a car smash.
left with two tinies and a mortgage etc etc. The hardest thing I had to face was the empty side of the bed.
Thinking of you xxx

rosiero said...

It'll be a whole new learning curve and you will have your ups and downs. But your blogging friends will be there to help you when you need us.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I imagine this first year will be a year of challenge Ann but with your wonderful memories of OG, your own indomitable spirit and the love of your family and friends you will cope. Just one day at a time - small steps. Sending a hug. A x

aims said...

I remember when my father died and how lost my mother was at first. But then she seemed to gather strength all at once and she became that indomitable woman again - except even more so. Nothing was going to beat her - nothing that she could control anyway.

Sure she had days when she would cry and nights when I could hear her crying - but she put in about the same amount of years as you did with OG and that empty side of the bed is hard to come to terms with.

One thing she did say quite loudly was that she would never remarry. She was tired of having to look after a man - and she grew from there.

You will too Ann. It just takes time and acceptance. I hate that phrase - Time will heal - I think it is more like - in time we will become adjusted to it......

OG sounds like he was quite the man. It is obvious that you are quite proud of him and his way of looking at life. You are so lucky to have shared so much with him. I for one would love to learn more about him in the time to come.

jay said...

Oh, definitely don't forget the crazy fun bits!

It's obvious from the way you write that his leaving does leave a void, but that there are plenty of people to pick up and carry that torch. And well done for getting the 'non-PC' bit to carry! Yay for you!

Anonymous said...

Dear Ann,

First things first, you did amazingly at Davy's send off, and it was so very memorable, 'just like Davy'!

Everyone who delivered their speeches did it with compassion and Davy is proud of everything what was said and proud of the people who delivered them. Well Done to you all.

Amazing Grace was totally amazing..

This coming year is going to be a 'toughie' thats for sure, but you will still hear Davy encouraging you and leading the way, i'm sure you will amaze yourself and become a much stronger person than you realise what you already are.

Davy will always be remembered by the 'crazy fun bits' and the way he was very 'random', he will always be remembered just for being 'Davy'.

Just one last thing before i go..."when did Morgan grow up"??? He was great.

Take care Ann, sending lots of love from Shelly xxx

mutleythedog said...

Well it has all been awful and I have refrained from commenting. You seem remarkably together I think... am I wrong?

Retiredandcrazy said...

At the moment my days are pretty hectic RNSANE. The house is filled with the laughter of children and they take up so much of my time. That and trying to comfort my colleagues in the office, because we have responsibility for keeping his legacy going.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Yes, Maggie, to be honest I didn't call him OG old grumpy) for nothing. At times he could be a real pain in the bum. But he raised no objection to my calling him this. His joi de vivre far outweighed his grumpiness.

Retiredandcrazy said...

That was a tragedy of major proportions VM and what you say is so true. How did you ever survive such a trauma? My guess is that you had to keep going for the sake of the children.

Retiredandcrazy said...

That was a tragedy of major proportions VM and what you say is so true. How did you manage to keep going? You must be a very strong woman. Take care of yourself.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank you Rosiero, I have already taken strength from all your kind comments and concern.

Retiredandcrazy said...

I have lived "one day at a time" for many, many years Anne. The only problem is that some days are not so good now.

Retiredandcrazy said...

I do feel privileged to have shared a life with him aims but I don't intend to give up on my own life. I like travelling and may go to New York for a graduation ceremony in May and then on to visit friends in Seattle.

Retiredandcrazy said...

To tell the truth Jay, I am probably even more unPC and unconventional than he was!

Retiredandcrazy said...

You are right Shelly, the next year will be tough, but I will put in the effort to live life to the full. That is the least that I owe him.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Only time will tell mutleythedog.

kanishk said...

you are such a remarkable woman, you will amaze all of us - as you already have.

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