Thursday, 31 December 2009

DAVY RIP

My dear husband died on Boxing Day morning. In the end his passing was a blessed relief. He had suffered enough.

He loved his family so much and liked nothing better than being in their company but he had been so ill that it took all his efforts to concentrate on merely existing and he had banned them from visiting. Being family they disobed him but only stayed for a short while so as not to exhaust him.

However, there was a natural coming together on Christmas Day. The children had Secret Santa's to open and their parents had asked if they could be together in our house so we agreed to throw the doors open again. My grandson-in-law said it was like The Waltons and the District Nurse said that she had never seen such as large family. It was good to have life in the house again after so many months of sadness.

OG was kept quietly and safely upstairs in his Hollywood bedroom away from the mellee but they all had an opportunity to spend time with him and, although he was unresponsive, we were told that he could hear everything, including the children's laughter wafting up from below. It was good that they were all able to say their goodbyes, apart from our beautiful grandson Vinnie who works in the Alps and couldn't get back in time. Even the young ones asked to spend time with him which, I hope, will help them to come to terms with his passing.

On Boxing Day morning one of my daughters and I sat either side of his bed, holding his hand, drinking coffee and talking to him and to each other. The subject strayed on to what to do with the Christmas lunch leftovers. I said I had seen an interesting receipt for bubble and squeak and Sara said that Jamie Oliver had cooked bubble and squeak on his TV show once and it looked so good. OG hated Jamie Oliver with a passion and wasn't that enamoured with leftovers (or bubble and squeak either come to think of it) and I think that just tipped him over the edge because I saw a tear trickle down his cheek and he was gone.

The funeral is on 14th January and although it seems a long while to wait he touched the lives of so many people and it will give us the chance to get things organised.

Tonight we have a divi out of the £2 coins he had been saving for the grandchildren. A couple of weeks ago he said that they should count them and share them out this Christmas and we will honour that wish. I will cook a huge steak pie with mashed potatoes and swede in his memory because that was what we always had on New Years Eve and we will remember him with love and laughter. Life goes on.

38 comments:

DogLover said...

So sad. OG was a splendid man and it is terrible what lengthy treatments had to be given to him in the hope of getting him well again.

It was also terrible what you had to go through. I know he must have been immensely grateful to you for all you did for him.

You are much in my thoughts, dear R&D.

Ladywholunches said...

There are many, many people in many places around the world who will grieve Davy's passing because he touched their lives and their hearts. You too have touched those lives and hearts, and all those people have you in their thoughts and prayers. Now is your time to walk, not run, and, my dear friend, we all want to walk with you. Have a night to remember tonight with your wonderful family and watch out for some of the mash going missing.....???!!!! 'cos he'll be there with you too. I wish you peace of mind and solace in the year ahead and rest assured we are all here for you whenever you want us. Here's to onwards xxxxx

aims said...

I saw that you had posted and I was afraid to click on your link. My fears were justified and so are my tears.

I have thought often of you saying how much you love OG and what you have been going through as he struggled with that damn disease.

As the others have already said - we are here for you - even if we are across the miles.

Thinking of you and yours.

Anonymous said...

Ann I was so upset to hear the news of Davy,it is so sad, he truly was a lovely lovely man and so kind. I am so pleased I was given the chance to know and to work with him as a colleague and a very very dear friend, I for one will really miss him and the office wont be the same without him.
All my love to you, Mary and Kimberley and all the rest of the family.
I guess he was right he "didnt have that magic wand" but I bet hes found it now. God Bless Davy Love Ya xx

Anonymous said...

Sorry Ann didnt put my name on message above
Jax
xx

Eddie Bluelights said...

Deepest Condolences at this sad time R&D. Sorry OG suffered for so long but it was good the family were with him at the end. Gor Bless ~ Eddie x

Mr. Nighttime said...

My deepest condolences to you and your family. I know this as a long and hard struggle, for both of you. There is a Yiddish proverb: "May you know no more sorrow."

The Wrenns said...

Though I only know you through reading your blog, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.

marymaryquitecontrary said...

I am so sorry to hear your sad news. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

My sincere condolences Ann to you and your family. I was so sorry to hear that your dear husband had passed away. Thinking of you all. Anne x

jodiemole said...

Years ago I used to sit and listen to every word he said in every sales meeting, I took it all in and never forgot. Twelve years on I knew I wanted to come back and work with Davy again, he spoke alot of wisdom. Jackie is right, the office won't seem the same without him popping him, however, we'll continue doing the best we can just like he'd have wanted. Much love to the family x

Maggie May said...

I am deeply, deeply sad.
Sincerest condolences to you and your family.

Nuts in May

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you all at this sad time. A candle has been lit and prayers said at buckfast abbey.

jay said...

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry. Sending many hugs to you.

I'm glad you had a good Christmas, with most of the family there. I know from what Mum has told me (she was a nurse all her working life apart from when we kids were very young) that unresponsive people can and do hear what's going on around - far more than people think. How lovely for OG that he passed away surrounded by those who loved him - even if they did speak the dreaded name of JO and mention the dastardly bubble and squeak!

Take care of yourself now. You may need to sleep for a week, or maybe you won't sleep at all for a while. Just be gentle with yourself. And please keep in touch.

Sarah said...

R&C, I have never met you, or your husband, but feel I've been party to so much that has happened, by virtue of your blog.
Thank you for sharing so much of your life, and your husband's.
I'm thinking about you, R&C; sorry that you both had to go through so much, but your blogs do show the love held between you, and your lovely family.
xxxS

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I am so very sorry to hear this sad news, you write a lovely post to mark his passing. Obviously a much loved man and an inspiration to many. I'm sure he would have smiled and enjoyed your steak pie.

Best wishes to you, CJ xx

Anonymous said...

Sorry never seems the right word to say and on saying that Rab and I are definately not sorry for the priviledge of knowing Davy and yourself. We indeed has been blessed with having two true friends , warts and all..You and the family are in our thoughts.

rosiero said...

Just checking through blogs after the christmas absence and am shocked to the core to read this. I am so sorry and send my sympathy. From what you say it was good he had all the family around him both the day before and on the day he died. Take heart from that.

You must be exhausted after all you have gone through. Take time to heal yourself and keep things simple!

Retiredandcrazy said...

Yes, on the face of it the treatments were unnecessary DogLover, but they were so purplexed about the cause I guess the hypocratic oath made them keep investigating. He was a splendid man, that described him perfectly.

Retiredandcrazy said...

He did have that capacity to touch hearts and mind didn't he ladywholunches? A rare man.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank you so much aims. Your support, and the support of others like you, has helped me to keep going.

Retiredandcrazy said...

His legacy will always be felt in the office Jax. We will find outselves thinking "what would Davy want us to do?". He was a giant of a man in spirit.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank you Eddie, and I am thinking and praying for you and your family

Retiredandcrazy said...

There will be sorrow Mr Nighttime, I wouldn't want it any other way, nut along with the sorrow will be laughter and hope for the future, OG wouldn't want it any other way!

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank you Jennifer, it is so humbling that blogging friends have been so concerned.

OG took a great interest in this blog and I read all the posts and comments to him so he was fully aware of the kindness of everyone.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank you too Mary, we go back a long time, off and on. You take care of yourself.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank you too Anne, life is so short we have to cherish every minute.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Good to have you back in the fold again Jodie. He was so glad you came back and always took interest in how you were doing, as he did with everyone.

When I think about it he knew every single one of you inside out and had this instinct for knowing when anyone was emtotionally hurting and could say just the right words to ease the pain. Amazing.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank you Maggie, and you take care of yourself darling. You have given so much, now ease yourself back into love and take all the help you can get for ourself.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank you Ginge.

Retiredandcrazy said...

I am sleeping quite well at the moment Jay. My family are looking after me well and I feel love and safe.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Sarah, if my memory serves me right we have a mutual friend in common, Jennifer. She will tell you what an unusual man OG was.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank you Crystal. OG was one in a million and we are all devastated, but I am detemined that some of the daft memories we have of him will help us to overcome the dreadful sorrow.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Keeping it simple is now second nature to me Rosiero. That will get me through.

Valleys Mam said...

Oh R and C I am so sad at your loss
like many I have followed your advtures and family dos , the illness the fight the joys and pain
I have only just read of OG's passing and i am so so sad for you and the family , but what a legacy he leaves
Its strange I have nt met you or OG ,dont know you other than through this blog , but i cried at your news

Mare Freeborn said...

Dearest Ann - I was so sad to hear the news of OGs passing. Although I don't know you guys personally, he seems like a great man with family & friends who loved him very much. Just from reading your blog, I can tell he touched many lives. Hopefully the memories will help you all get through. My sincerest condolences to you & everyone who loved OG in this time of mourning. You are in my thoughts & prayers, as always. Please take care.

Hugs & hope from across the ocean,

Mare Freeborn

Grit said...

oh i am so very sorry to hear of the changes in your life. please take heart that you and OG have touched many of us.

Lin said...

I haven't checked your blog in a couple of weeks, I think because I knew your dear OG was growing weaker and while I know you must be comforted by knowing he is no longer suffering, a final goodbye is so very difficult.

He had such spirit and strength and you had such strength and love for him. A powerful combo.

RIP Davy.