Wednesday, 24 June 2009

STOP THE WORLD, I WANT TO GET OFF

It has been commented to me that in "retirement" OG and I have become excessively and sometimes exhaustingly busy. Take the last three days for example. Between us we transported our favourite grandson-in-law between coaching assignments four times, took a great granddaughter to school and back three times, baby sat her sick sister for four hours, went clothes shopping with a granddaugher, took a grandson to buy his birthday present, took him swimming and drum practice, took the car in for MOT, went for a leisurely lunch with a daughter, shoehorned in visits to the dentist, hairdresser and doctors and in our free time watched a bit of Wimbledon!.

The most exhausting part was working out the logistics. This week, because of the complexity of our commitments, I actually had to compile a spreadsheet! Matters were not improved when I suddenly thought that Monday was Tuesday and turned up at the dentist a day early.

And finally…. I was sent this by DogLover. Don’t you just love it?

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany . Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" “You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”

14 comments:

Maggie May said...

Well....... we are as far removed as chalk is from cheese!
Take one thing away and the whole lot would collapse!
I know how to make do!

Valleys Mam said...

I know how you feel I am running my own business, sorting a daughters move North , another's sadness after the death of a love affair. Coping with a son who is ill in Denmark.A husband who has two hobby businesses going. Volunteering at a refuge supporting two women friends who just need some tlc oh and looking after an extra cat and some fish.

Anonymous said...

This Dog Lover story is so close to the truth that it is incrediably funny. I wouldn't want your schedule, but mine is almost as bad. It's written down on two calendars and then I think I may have written an appointment down wrong date. Flagmaker

Granny on the Web said...

Super story! both real and fiction. I maintain I couldn't fit in running a business again as retirement is just too darn busy. My kids seem to think we have all the time in the world now, just to do all those little grand parenty things.
I love the story of the clever know all and Bud who out foxed him. I shall pass this on to friends who can't get enough of these stories.
Love Granny

Stinking Billy said...

You really had me going, there, then you spoilt it all by reminding me that I'm thick! x

jay said...

Hahahaha! I love that joke! Poor dog!

Retiredandcrazy said...

I think you juggle with your time too Maggie. When I read what you do I feel exhausted.

Retiredandcrazy said...

But life would be boring if we didn't stretch ourselves wouldn't it VM?

Retiredandcrazy said...

I think we need a PA to sort us out flagmaker.

Retiredandcrazy said...

When the children ask Grannie we can't refuse. The problem is that there are so many of them and when they all ask together it gets to be logistically challenging! But we love it.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Billy, Billy, when did I ever imply that you were thick? You are my hero man. Did you know that you were the first one ever to comment on my blog?

Retiredandcrazy said...

Yes, it's a really funny joke Jay, but is it a joke? I don't think so!

aims said...

I am far busier retired than I was working. I still can't figure it out!

Sandi McBride said...

Retirement has been the best thing that ever happened to Mac and me...we enjoy each other more, argue less and go where we want when we want without so much as a by your leave...retirement...wish I could have done it in my 30's!!! How you manage retirement and running a business is beyond me...but believe me when I say I intend to look you up when next I get to the Motherland...which I hope will be before the end of THIS century!
hugs
Sandi
oh, and by the way...great work here!