Sunday, 29 June 2008

WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?

What are you most afraid of? This challenging question was posed by authorblog: Weekend Wandering.

I guess my long-term fear is the fear of being alone. This is not uncommon and leads to many compromises that are not always of benefit. But….. I know many people that are totally uncompromising and that is sometimes even more harmful.

I know that this is a mad example, but one of the things that I love is to socialise and eat out - OG hates it and refuses to give in. I could bang on about this and it could become a real contentious issue but there are many things that we have in common that we DO enjoy.

So is my fear of being alone causing me to compromise on something that I love? I don’t think so, I simply go on “Orient Express” trips without him, enjoy long summers in Switzerland, go out to lunch with my crazy mate on Saturday and generally have a good laugh. Now if he objected to me doing that, that would be a different thing altogether. Then I would have to ask myself if I was compromising too much.

I know people that would let this become a BIG ISSUE, much like – “if you loved me you wouldn’t play football”, “if you loved me you would pay me more attention” etc. I know that I'm going off on a bit of a tangent here, but my dad loved football and my mum hated it. On the day of the cup final he would get a bottle of pop and some chocolate and sit and watch it through from midday to finish. Every year she made a "statement" by doing the ironing in another room! The sad thing was that after he died she started watching the cup final too and I ofter wondered if she ever regretted not sharing his passion with him because he absolutely adored her and it would have made him so happy.

Surely you should (and I paraphrase that great JFK quote) ask not what your partner can do for you, instead ask what you can do for your partner - provided you keep your core person intact and don't become a doormat. No-one gets it entirely correct, but I try to give it my best shot.

I also know people who would rather live alone than make the "sacrifice" of living with someone that might have different goals and make demands on them, but who do they share the evening sunset with? Who is at their side when the going gets tough? Who do they laugh at daft things with?

I think the important thing is not to be so scared of being alone that you compromise to the point of losing your own personality. Here endeth the first lesson.

17 comments:

Lindsay said...

Falling over! With years and years of knee ops and replacement knees that just do not bend, falling over is not an option to be contemplated. I am very cautious! I agree, living alone is a terrifying thought.

Can Bass 1 said...

What am I afraid of? Waking up without a voice; losing my ability to drink. Oh dear!

david mcmahon said...

First and foremost, when is OG's next appointment?

Thanks so much for taking part - this is a post that touches a universal theme.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Hi Lindsay, and welcome. I have "dodgy knees" but thankfully never got so bad I need surgery. I just have to find something to cling on to to help me up from me knees! Drat this creaky body.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Good morning CanBass1, head OK this morning? Or can you actually limit yourself to one can of Bass?

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thanks for asking about OG David. His next appointment with the oncologist is next Thursday. The chemo nurse thinks that he will discuss the probability of either reducing or even stopping the chemo because OG doesn't do so well with the dose he is having.

Maggie May said...

That was a very good point & my fear of abandonment is similar, isn't it? You sound SO sensible with your approach to life. I admire your courage going on the Orient Express by yourself. I don't think I could do more than a weekend coach trip on my own. But time will tell!

Guineapigmum said...

Interesting about your mum and teh footie. My father's thing was the garden and my mother never got involved. But when he died, she took it on and discovered she had the most amazing green fingers. It always seemed a shame they hadn't shared it at the time.

Sandi McBride said...

We have our 40th coming up in October and I frankly had rather be alone than try to train another man to put up with me...Mac and I get along together so well we're like two halves of a whole...I'd miss him, but altho I often tell him he can be replaced (not improved upon,but replaced) in truth, he really can't. Loved this post!
Sandi
ps
congrats on the mention in David's Post of the Day

San said...

Wise post. A relationship involves give-and-take. A little compromise can go a long way and carry you through many happy years.

Lizzie said...

Hello again R&C. Lovely to read you once more. Of course you are right. You seem to have done - and are doing quite well thank you!

Will be back agin soon (this week?) Hope so.

Lizzie x

Retiredandcrazy said...

Maggie, I must confess that I didn't actually go on the Orient Express by myself. I went with my 75 year old crazy widowed neighbour in Switzerland. We did the "big" trip from Istanbul to Venice and had the best time of our lives.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Hi guineapigmum, isn't that really sad. I vowed that I would never have that sort of regret, but I must admit that I don't get it right all the time.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Sandi, I'm with you on that one. I couldn't be bothered to go through the training period again!

Retiredandcrazy said...

San, wise is not a word that is often applied to me. Thank you so much!

Retiredandcrazy said...

Nice to talk to you again Lizzie. Have I done quite well? Thank you for that but at times I don't think so. And my guess would be that OG would tell an entirely different story!

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Compromise and cooperation are great, part of true love, and equally rare, it seems to me.