Sunday, 15 June 2008

MY SLIT PERSONALITY JOB DESCRIPTIONS

1. THE BOSS JOB DESCRIPTION – BE SMARTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.

One day last week I was standing at the photocopier in the main office, wondering why people were hovering around the maintenance man. He eventually wandered up the office, opened the electricity box and stood scratching his head.

“Problem?”

“Yes, we’ve got no lights”

I flipped the light switch. Lights!

The scary thing is that this was mid-morning in an office of about 30 people. How many had mentioned the problem BEFORE the maintenance man was consulted?

2. THE WIFE JOB DESCRIPTION – RESIST HOMICIDAL TENDANCIES.

Our great-granddaughters slept over on Friday. After they left I said to OG

“Those girls are really lovely aren’t they?”

“What?”

I repeated a little louder, clearly enunciating -

“Those - girls - are - really - lovely - aren’t - they?”

“Those curls are what?”

I shout

“THOSE GIRLS ARE REALLY LOVELY AREN’T THEY?”

“Alright, no need to shout”

“I wouldn’t have had to shout if you'd listened in the first place”

He looked grim, I wanted to kill him (again). The quality moment had passed!

18 comments:

girl with the mask said...

The Boss Job description is hilarious! Unbelievable!

DogLover said...

You may have wanted to kill him (again), but are you sure he was looking grim because of your last remark? Perhaps he just didn't hear it - seems you had stopped shouting ...

Retiredandcrazy said...

Good morning girl with the mask, we need to capture these insane moments in words don't we, otherwise they are gone forever.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Dog Lover, trust me. Have I ever told you a lie?. He WAS looking grim because of my last remark!

david mcmahon said...

Wonderful post - and I thoroughly enjoyed your previous post too.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I can relate to the shouting bit, I do it regularly with the farmer. His response is usually, "eh" and so I repeat, but when I'm half way through he butts in with the answer. So I wonder if it's simply a not-listening factor..!

CJ xx

Maggie May said...

Oh... that's funny! Just like Harry & me! I say "For Goodness Sake get a hearing aid, life is passing you by He says I mumble, but no one else has a problem with the way I speak!
Funny post & very good!

San said...

Delightful! I feel for you in both cases.

I came over from David's. Thanks for the laugh.

Richard Madeley said...

I don't believe you're retired or crazy.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thanks David, and thanks for the mention on your site.

Retiredandcrazy said...

You understand don't you Crystal. I object to the fact that he can hear everyone else too.

Retiredandcrazy said...

I know Maggie, I have not problem with my enunciation. He simply does not listen.

Retiredandcrazy said...

David, thank you for sending San, and thank you for the visit.

Retiredandcrazy said...

And drum roll. Trrra. Here you have Richard Madeley, not. Hi Richard, you know that I'm only kidding don't you? And by the way I truly am not retired or crazy, I'm really Elvis.

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Guess what, you ARE smarter than them. And you have better hearing.
It's those superior genes. M :-)

aims said...

Was the title really suppose to be 'Slit Personality'? oh my!

Retiredandcrazy said...

I must say Margot, that I have to agree with you!

Retiredandcrazy said...

Are you taking the pee out of me aims? Full marks for spotting the deliberate mistake. You are the only one to notice!