This week I got lost. Not only did I get lost, I got lost three times in one journey and not, I might add, in the outback. I got lost driving through Peterborough the town I like to call a shopping experience. I am very familiar with this town. One time, before I started getting lost, I could have probably driven through it with my eyes shut, in fact I frequently did if my better half was at the wheel. So how the hell did I get lost? Beats me!
I know that I took the right route but it led me to a strange place that I didn’t recognise, so I re-orientated myself until I was not in a strange place, only to wind up in a strange place again, and again.
The problem is that my old grey matter is seizing up and needs reviving BIG TIME. So I bought a BlackBerry email and internet to go thingy. When I confessed what I had done to IT they looked horrified. “NO!” they said with their eyes. With their mouths they smiled and were very polite and supportive. “Yes, we can help you” “No, it’s no problem, no problem at all” whilst thinking “This is the daft old bat that can’t even use a landline let alone an email and internet to go thingy. Heavens above” or some such thoughts. More probably they thought “Bollocks!”
Even the lady on the ‘phone when I bought it didn’t seem very enthusiastic about my chances. “You don’t even know your mobile number and you’re buying a BlackBerry email and internet to go thingy!!!?”
Well today it arrived. And do you know what? They are all right! Bollocks.
Martin Mull - "Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen."
3 days ago